Smokin Sevens

1. Ron Paul knows how to pronounce the names of foreign dignitaries.
2. President Bush knows how to make up his own.
3. I’ve never seen Ron Paul’s kids on Girls Gone Wild.
4. One of the two speaks in complete sentences.
5. Al Gore had more votes than both of them in 2000.
6. G. Dub has a better nickname than Ron (Ru Paul was already taken).
7. Bush has actually called Google “The Google”.  At least he isn’t claiming that he invented the internet.

by Scott Phillips

1. Cause if you’re high enough, you can totally see the hole in the ozone layer
2. If Tipper Gore was your mother, you’d smoke some pot too
3. How else do you think his father got the idea to invent the internet?
4. Because he was also on Valium, Xanax, Vicodin, Adderall and Soma so he figured, “what’s one more?”
5. Because he saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to his father’s bank account
6. When you figure that he drives a hybrid car, that kind of negates the emissions of the  pot burning on top of his his empty Natural Light can.  That makes it more or less a push. That’s kind of trippy so it makes him smoke some pot.
7. Because while his father is always away trying to save the environment, he sits at home crying in his closet, drowning in a pool of neglect screaming “I wish global warming wasn’t ever born!”

What did we miss?